I have come to find that the best time to reflect is when doubting the actions of others. Continuously, I perform this act, not in terms of deceit, but for personal growth. I suppose that my background in the helping professions also poses this constant battle of ethical vs unethical and patient centered care. Then, there is the concept of developing and testing a Gold Standard protocol for all test purposes. At this point, I may have lost you, but the point is that there is always a standard method of belief, testing, performance, etc. However, we will always have the gray region where we don't know the right answer, we debate the best moral decision, or there isn't perfect sensitivity/specificity in detection of a pathology. I like to think about the gray area and what my choices of behavior or methodology where and how a different decision may have altered the outcome.
Complainers. This is the current gray area I have been reflecting. Yes, we all know them and we all have been one. In my experience, there are some individuals who thrive on sympathy and always outdo your worst experience. There are the people who just need to vent on occasion and justifiably so. We can't leave out the aggressive complainers that have no mercy and beat you to a bloody pulp with their words of disgust and not an ounce of regret. Then, there are the poor souls who are stricken with the unexpected, extremely detailed, slightly exaggerated "worse thing that ever happened in my whole life" stories. Well, I must admit, I find myself complaining more in graduate school then I have ever. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation or constant anxiety-oops, there I go complaining and making excuses for my complaining in the same sentence. So, I have been looking into the origin of this habit. Do we live in a world that obsesses over imperfection and feels righteous to all opportunities and objects? Is there more pressure than ever to live up to your own expectations, but also the expectations of an unknown audience? What ever the reason may be, there must be a solution to all of the nonsense, constant white noise (audiology term for complainers) distracting me from my everyday life and positive attitude. Many times I hear someone complaining and I fall right into the black hole of a trap and have to work hard to get myself out!
Well, I looked further into this and found a great quote:
"When you consistently maintain a positive frame of mind, you'll become known as a problem-solver rather than a complainer. People avoid complainers. They seek out problem-solvers."
Joseph Sommerville
This is a bold statement and truthful in its entirety. I shy away from people who complain all the time or after while, I stop listening to what they have to say. Call me a bad listener, but it can be exhausting to keep up with some one's constant cries. At times, it also makes the listener feel worthless and non existent. The worst complaints though are the ones in which pride and selfish matters take control. It is hard to hear why someone deserves special treatment without consideration of the other side, especially when that kind of energy could be put towards something useful.
So here are some tips for the morbid complainers out there:
1. Don't over do it-no one likes a complainer
2. End on a positive note
3. Don't verbally abuse the person on the other end
4. Think about both sides and seek out more information before making accusations
5. Along with # 4, if you are going to complain, at least have accurate information
6. Choose carefully who you complain to as it could come back and bite you
7. Avoid complaining all together, life will seem more fulfilling and you might have more friends!
"Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him."
